I developed the series, Mentor in a Minute, to provide you with a ‘fly on the wall’ view of my conversations with people that I respect and admire. These are my mentors, both formally and informally, and I’m excited to share what I’ve learned. Each week, I’ll share my conversations for you to absorb the information and take from what it what applies to you.
Jael the professor. Jael the life coach. Jael the actress. Jael the singer, or as she’s known by most, simply, Jael the Great. In my recent conversation with the multihyphenate mogul we talked about healing from past hurt, positive self-talk and the value of life coaching.
The Profashionalist: You recently said, “You can’t expect the person that hurt you to heal you”. I think that’s a mistake that we’ve all made at some point. How do you begin the process of self-healing?
Jael the Great: You have to make a decision that you’re worth the healing. Everything is a mindset. I am so about being the best version of myself and presenting the best aesthetic of my best self to the world…which we all should be because we’re worth that. Healing starts from you understanding that you deserve it and you’re worth being healed and being whole. I can’t live my best life if I’m holding on to things like unforgiveness. Once you make the decision that you’re worth it, you begin the healing process.
The Profashionalist: When you said, “If you don’t want it, don’t say it”, that really resonated with me. I’ll be honest, I find myself speaking more about what I don’t want. How do you silence negative self-talk?
Jael the Great: I always say “If you don’t want it, don't say it” because you create your world with your words. We are creators. We’re powerful. Instead of “OMG I didn’t get it” say “OMG I’m thankful for what’s next.” You have to reprogram your mind and your language. You need to get used to watering yourself with beautiful words. The thoughts WILL come. You can’t believe everything you think. You’re going to have all kinds of thoughts. You have to choose to believe those thoughts that come to serve you.
Things are ALWAYS working out the way they are supposed to. You have to change your mindset. If you go for something and don’t get it, that means there’s something else for you. Life is very simple, we make it much more complicated than it has to be. If it didn’t work out then I say “Ok God, thank you for presenting me with the opportunity and I thank you for the next door that you’re going to open.”
The Profashionalist: You seem to have it all figured out. Thinking back over your life’s experiences, what is one decision that you regret? talked about the power of choices. What do you regret.
Jael the Great: I don’t have one regret. Everything works out for my good. Even my mistakes prosper me because that’s what I believe. I have programmed my mind to believe the best about me.
I cannot fail. I always land on my feet. Listen to the language that I use. I speak life over myself. I can’t fail. Even if I do something that someone else may consider a failure, it’s working for my good because it’s teaching me something. I don’t fail. I always win. I always prosper. If I dated the wrong person, I needed that situation to learn something about myself. I always win.
The Profashionalist: As a life coach, you work with women from all walks of life. What is one area that your clients struggle with the most, that if they changed their mindset, probably wouldn’t be a struggle?
Jael the Great: Relationships. This is a common theme from teenage girls to adult women. The root of relationship issues is understanding who you are and your worth and value. It seems like it’s a man. At the root, it’s about understanding what you deserve and setting your boundaries. If this is what I desire and deserve, I need to stick to that. If I am being treated less than that, I can’t blame anyone else. The solution to that is falling in love with yourself, and speaking only what you desire.
The Profashionalist: Sometimes we struggle with the decision to start a new business or pursue a new field thinking, “Everyone is doing it, there isn’t a need for another life coach” for example. What do you say to that?
Jael the Great: There are people that are doing things that they have the skillset to do but they are not called to it. I can go to beauty school and learn the skills to do hair. However, that does not mean that I am anointed to do hair. You can take acting classes to learn the technical skills of acting. Some people are stars and others are forgettable, because they are not called to act. For me, everything that I do I am anointed to do. I am an anointed actress. I am an anointed professor. The young women that come to my class at Spelman leave changed. As a life coach, I’ve had clients that have wanted to kill themselves and I can say that I’ve not lost one client. I am humbled that God choose me to do this.
I left our conversation inspired and focused on being intentional on the words that I speak to and about myself.
I’m looking forward to attending Jael’s “Reclaim your Queendom” conference later this month Atlanta. Attendees will connect over a weekend and leave healed and whole. The conference will involve intensive self- evaluation, cleansing and sisterhood. Connect with Jael on social media and her website for more information.