Self Care for Extroverts


Recharge
 /rēˈCHärj/ to return to a normal state of mind or strength after a period of physical or mental exertion

The act of recharging doesn’t necessarily have to involve PJs and spa days. Lounging around while watching re-runs of Martin or binging on pizza and wine all day is draining for some. Some is me…minus the part about wine. See, I’d much rather do those things with another person. Shrugs. I like to planspa days with my girls instead of going alone. I have no desire to go on a solo vacation…EVER. AGAIN. That’s just me and I’m ok with that.

I’m an extrovert in the sense of being very social. I like to move and shake shit up. I’m creative and am always executing an idea that popped in my head…and it usually involves other people. If I have openings in my week on Monday, by Wednesday I’ve found a way to fill in those gaps. It can be a lot but being around people and doing ‘things’ are my sources of energy. For me, recharging means intentionally engaging in activities that will replenish me mentally and physically. It doesn’t mean restricting myself from doing anything because I’m supposed to be ‘at rest’. 

Last week, I planned a day to recharge. I didn’t know what I’d do, how I’d feel or if it was out of necessity or if I were just following a trend. Either way, I did it. 

 

I Talked to Myself

I have 3 meditation apps, have watched 100s of YouTube videos on the topic and even created a mediation area in my closet. However, every time I start meditating my mind starts drifting. 

What’s for dinner? Did I leave my left suede mule under the bed or in the car? How will my twist out look on day 3?

For me, the goal of meditation is to get myself into a positive mindset that will influence my day. Another way to do that is through positive self-talk. I started by looking in the mirror, forcing a smile and verbally saying “Girl, you are gorgeous inside and out.” “You got this.” “Everything that is supposed to happen will happen at the perfect time so stop worrying”. After about 5 minutes, I realized that not only was I genuinely smiling but I was laughing as I talked about all the amazing things that are manifesting in my life. As I walked around the house talking to myself, I reminded myself of everything that I thought was life shattering that I made it through. “Kish, you are braver than you give yourself credit for.”

I always ask myself “If you had known this would be the outcome, how would you have acted differently at the BEGINNING of the journey?” My answer is, I would have been celebrating then and not worrying about things that are already worked out. So I did just that. I opened Pandora and twerked in celebration of things that are already done. 

To the fly on the wall, I probably looked slow. You just have to have those moments that are good for your soul whether its twerking alone, sitting in silence, journaling or meditating. 

 

I Talked To An Old Friend…For Hours

Wait, what? You’re probably thinking “But what happened to ALONE time”. I’m always moving 1000 miles a minute and I’ll look up and will have not actually spoken to one of my friends for a year or more. I mean, we interact on social media and text but…. life just happens. I talked to one of my college friends…well I laughed, cried and traveled down memory lane with one of my college friends. There’s something about being with (or talking to) people who knew you before you were the polished version of yourself that we see today.  Promotions, awards and new projects weren’t mentioned. We were busy talking about nearly being kidnapped, road trips to Atlanta with $30 between 5 people and how my mattress ended up being thrown from a dorm room window…the important stuff. 

Thinking back, this conversation reminded me of the plans for my life that I once had. Some of those things came to fruition and others I thank GOD that they didn’t go the way I’d hoped. I thought about people and experiences that have shaped me. Most importantly, I left the conversation with a renewed energy to keep going…making new memories, experiencing new things with people that I love and enjoying my journey.

  

I Released Control of My Day

I live by my planner. I love checking things off my to-do list. Looking at the day ahead is an enjoyable part of my nightly routine. Instead of planning a day to do nothing…I simply didn’t plan my day at all. Well, I had my weekly appointment with my trainer but other than that my calendar was wide open. In preparation for the day, I made sure to complete my deadlines early so that I had nothing outstanding. Checking my email was out of habit, not necessity. 

With nothing planned, I decided to go to Target. For no reason other than, I wanted to go. I sat in the car for over an hour at home before I even pulled off. Scrolling through IG, rapping Pac’s verse on ‘Gangsta Party’ and just sitting. There was no rush. Nowhere to be. The fact that I didn’t have anyone rushing me or asking when I’d be back was icing on the cake. I went to the mall and sat on one of the couches in the rest area and read a book. I people watched and strolled through the mall popping in and out of stores that I never visit.

I worked. Not because had to but because I wanted to. I enjoy writing so I spent a few hours doing so. I picked out clothes for a photoshoot, played around with templates for IG stories and edited photos. It felt good to do these things leisurely because usually I’m up against a deadline. If you love what you do then it never feels like work. So cliché, I know. I said that to say don’t get caught up in the idea of what your alone time should look like. It’s called SELF-care for a reason. Figure out how you need to take care of yourself so that you can show up as your best self. It may be going hiking alone, re-watching all 5 seasons of Power or taking a class. Or it could be none of those things. As I told an ex-boyfriend, “Do you.”

I realized that there is no template for recharging, self-care or whatever trendy term you choose to use.  We draw our energy from different places so naturally we need to be recharged in different ways. 

 

Take care (literally),

Kisha

 

How Entrepreneur and Author Juliet “Juju” Raises Over 200k for Charity by Celebrating Her Birthday with Fans

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Go Juju! It’s ya birthday! Multi-hyphenate author and actress Juju has been celebrating her birthday the entire month of March for the past 3 years during her birthday tour. This year, Juju has been lighting up cities from NYC to LA speaking at colleges during the day and partying with fans at night! 

But let’s keep it real, the best part of any birthday celebration are the gifts…and Juju agrees. No, I’m not talking about designer bags and getting flewed out. Juju earns over 200k during her birthday tour and gifts a percentage to an orphanage in her home country, Cuba. She also gives to her non-profit for girls, Precious Jewels.

I caught up with the birthday girl to get the tea on how she manages it all.

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The Profashionalist: You’re an actress, television star, realtor, author and creator of a non-profit. Girl, that’s a lot! How are you able to create work-life balance? 

 

Juju: It’s a whole lot! Honestly, I don’t have an allocated time for just work. It’s intertwined with other aspects of my life. Some days are hectic while others are smooth. You just kindajust roll with it. What helps me balance is being intentional about being present…. whether it’s at work or in my personal time. 

 

The Profashionalist: Speaking of balance… what’s the most important business lesson that you’ve learned that helps keep you sane? 

 

Juju: When I first became an entrepreneur, I wanted to do it all myself. My hair company (Candy Jewels) was my first business.It would have been beneficial to learn the power of delegation sooner. As challenging as it was for me, I had to learn not to be so hands on.  

 

The Profashionalist: Not having your hands in everything has allowed you the freedom to work on other endeavors like your non-profit, Precious Jewels. Why did you create your own non-profit, instead of contributing to an existing one? What specific need were you hoping to fill? 

 

Juju: Precious Jewels is my baby. It’s something that I’ve always wanted to do. I created it to support adolescent girls inbuilding self- confidence, self-acceptance and self -love. 

 

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The Profashionalist:  Instilling these values in young girls will help them building healthy relationships, including friendships. Some women say that female relationships can be messy and prefer to keep a tight circle. Others feel that a strong girl tribe is critical to success in business and life. What has your experience been? 

 

Juju: I’m a strong believer of women’s empowerment. For me, it isn’t about a tight circle vs a tribe. It’s more about the quality of women you’re surrounded with.

 

The Profashionalist:  Surrounding yourself with positivity is important in all aspects of life. Let’s talk social media. You share pieces of your life which opens you up to negativity and criticism. How do you deal with that?

 

Juju: Yes! Social media can be a beast! Sharing your world comes with unwanted opinions. It’s important to understand that it’s exactly that….an opinion. I don’t pay attention to the trolls. Personally, I pay attention to the positive. There are so many people that love and support me. 

You definitely have to respect and support a Girl Boss that has not only created multiple streams of income but is giving back in a major (and fun) way. Catch the second leg of Juju’s birthday tour and turn up for a good cause!

Maybe She’s Born With It….The Confidence Factor

If you’ve known me longer than 5 years, I’m sure you can agree with the statement: Nakisha Washington giving advice about confidence is an oxymoron.

However, I’ve developed an unbreakable confidence that has opened new doors, provided a sixth sense when making decisions and propelled me into a space that I previously believed only existed for other people.

The real question is: How did I go from being overly conscious and unable to make a decision without consulting (read: getting approval) 10 people to the ask for forgiveness instead of permission, bold, confident go-getter that you see today?

Real questions need real answers, right? The truth is… iPracticed.

Maybe She’s Born With It….Maybe Issa Skill

According to an article published in Psychology Today, confident people deliberately learn and practice specific skills. Confidence, afterall, is a skill and not a personality trait. Like any other skill, it must be cultivated, practiced and then practiced even more.

Here are 3 things that I practiced to gain confidence:

But Did You Die?

Everything used to scare the hell out of me. The thought of not being liked, feeling inadequate and unqualified, being told no… the list goes on. The best way to overcome your fears is to face them head on.

A few years ago, I made up my mind that I would do one thing everyday that scared me. I didn’t announce it… I just did it. “It” being whatever that thing was that I had avoided because of fear.

I applied to jobs that I had previously passed over thinking that I didn’t stand a chance. Would I get an interview?

I asked for exactly what I wanted. Would I be judged?

I told someone “No” and wondered if they’d still like me.

Facing these fears wasn’t easy… or fun. Each time I did something that scared me, I asked myself “But did you die?” Over time, I realized that the outcomes of facing my fears were much worse in my mind than they were in real life.

Prepare to Win

She readyyyyy! I literally prepared for everything that I said that I wanted. I wrote acceptance speeches for awards, I dressed as if I were the keynote speaker at events that I attended and managed my finances as if I were already a business owner.

Prematurely owning the spaces that I wanted to be in ultimately landed me in those exact spaces. There was power in visualizing my dreams that were hidden on the other side of fear.

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Laugh at Yourself

I used to take myself sooooo seriously. I embarrassed easily and became defensive when others pointed out mistakes. I obsessed over details that will never matter. Oh, the stress!

In 5-inch heels and the miniest of skirts, I tripped walking into a restaurant during an HBCU homecoming.

( I’ll pause for you to get over second hand embarrassment.)

I recovered quickly, looked around and laughed so hard I shed real tears. That was the first time in my life that I’d had a hearty leaugh at myself. It felt good. Damn good, actually.

When I stopped taking myself so seriously, mistakes and setbacks didn’t weigh as heavily as they had in the past. I gained the confidence to step out more boldly and more often. Even if you trip on that step, you’ll just have a funny story to tell.

What Gabrielle Union Told Me About Work-Life Balance

Raise your hand if you’ve been able to balance a thriving career, Instagram-worthy weekend shenanigans, president of the PTA style parenting and still manage to get 8 hours of the type of sleep seen on mattress commercials…at the same damn time. I’ll wait.

Regardless if you’re an entrepreneur, stay at home mom or A-list actress, shit gets hard. Despite chasing the ever-elusive work-life balance, few, if any, of us every truly figure out what that balance looks like… in real life. 

I caught up with actress, author and activist, Gabrielle UnionWade to talk about how she’s adjusting to life as a new (working) mom. 

On Work-Life Balance

Gabrielle has been my sister in my head since Bring it On. During our conversation, I realized that she is truly all of us when she shared with me that “….some days I’m better at it [work-life balance] than others….I’m a little sucky at work some days and other days I’m sucky at being a mom….I haven’t figured it out yet.” Girl, you too?

She added “I’ve figured out that this idea of balance is a farce.” The reason we struggle with figuring out how to find balance in our lives is because we have preconceived notions about what it should look like. Sis, it doesn’t exist! There’s no prototype. You have the freedom to design your life in a way that works for you. 

On Sleeping When You’re Dead

Have you ever read a meme like “I’d rather be tired than broke” or “Hustle More. Complain Less.”   that made you feel like you are failing at life for being tired, frustrated….or just about any emotion, that makes us human?

Union Wade sees that line of thinking for what it is…bullshit.She quipped “ when people say “Oh, I’m giving 110%…then you’re actually at a deficit in some area of your life.” A friendly reminder that people aren’t everything that they ‘post’ to be.

On Your Best Being Good Enough

I’ve slowly come to the realization that a perfectly balanced life isn’t #goals. Instead, I work hard, focus on remaining consistent and no longer put pressure on myself to be everything to everyone. Gabrielle agreed and stated  “…. I just do my best and hope that people are considerate and know that I’m doing my best in every situation. I’m not gonna hit it out of the park every time….and I gotta be ok with that.”

Cheers to figuring out what type of “balance” works for your life. We’re Going to Need More Wine (see what I did there?) for that!

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I Have Nothing to Say to My Younger Self

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It doesn’t snow often in Charlotte. When it does snow, naturally, it’s a big deal! My daughter wanted to go out and play in the snow before it melted. Having grown up in Michigan, I’m no stranger to snow. Actually, playing outside with my daughter brought on a feeling of nostalgia.

Being out in the snow and thinking about my childhood reminded me of a question that I’m often asked, “What would you say to your younger self?”

As a young girl, I loved playing in my moms fancy clothes! I loved sequins, furs, heels and bags. As an adult, I play out my childhood fantasies by shopping vintage and creating fabulous looks. Adult dress up!

As a young girl, I loved playing in my moms fancy clothes! I loved sequins, furs, heels and bags. As an adult, I play out my childhood fantasies by shopping vintage and creating fabulous looks. Adult dress up!

Actually….I Have Nothing to Say

I used to answer this question with statements like “I’d tell myself to never give up.” or “I’d say finish college.” Then, I thought about it. If I had taken that advice, I wouldn’t be the person that I am today. I wouldn’t be where I am.

If I had kept going when I should have stopped, I may not have met someone that God placed in my path. If I had finished college, I wouldn’t have the work ethic that I have today. Had I obeyed my mom, I wouldn’t have learned a hard lesson that I would apply later in life.

I believe that everything happens for a reason, whether we realize it or not. I also believe that everything that is supposed to happen in your life, will happen. So, although it hasn’t always been easy, I wouldn’t change the course of my life. The heartbreaks, disappointments and failures all lead me to this moment.

Jacket: JCPenny  Fur/Blouse: Goodwill  Pants: Target

Jacket: JCPenny Fur/Blouse: Goodwill Pants: Target

However, I do have a message for my future self.

Actually, there are 5 things that I want to say to my future self:

  1. It’s ok to ‘look stupid’.

    Remember when you were afraid to start your blog? You didn’t have a professional graphic designer, photographer or clothes for days…but you did it. Overcoming the fear of ‘looking stupid’ has opened so many doors. Paid opportunities to speak, write and collaborate. Most importantly, you have received messages from women who tell you that you’ve inspired them to go after their goals. Is looking stupid to an imaginary group of people worth the impact that you’ve been able to make by just putting it out there? So whatever it is that you are holding off because of an irrational fear, just do it.

  2. You don’t have to do it all.

    Not only do you not HAVE to do it all, you can’t do it all. Asking for and accepting help is not a weakness. In fact, it’s a strength. Being self aware enough to realize your blind spots and weaknesses will help you tremendously.

  3. When opportunity knocks..you don’t have to answer.

    In 2016-2017, opportunities presented themselves left and right. You answered the call every time with a “Hell yeah!” You ended up overworked, failing at opportunities that you weren’t prepared to take and ultimately, depressed. Remember, if you pass on an opportunity, another one will come. Often, the next opportunity will be bigger and better. When you say no, use that in between time to continue doing more of the work that attracted the opportunity.

  4. There is purpose in everything that you do.

    No task or experience is insignificant, no matter how small. Even when you don’t understand why you are called to do a certain thing, do it in excellence. If you speak to an audience of 2 or 2000, keep the same energy, sis. Everyone that you are able to reach is for a reason, remember that.

  5. Be present.

    Kish, I know that you are ambitious and pride yourself on being forward thinking…but you gotta chill. Just as you cannot change the past, you can’t predict the future. Celebrate every period of your life for you don’t know what is to come. Celebrate during good times and remember the time when you prayed to be in that space. Celebrate in bad times because you are learning a lesson that is going to propel you to your next level.


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Now, I’ll get back to my childhood memories. Not to tell my younger self anything, but to appreciate those moments in time.

What would you say to your future self?