Self Care for Extroverts

 /rēˈCHärj/ to return to a normal state of mind or strength after a period of physical or mental exertion

The act of recharging doesn’t necessarily have to involve PJs and spa days. Lounging around while watching re-runs of Martin or binging on pizza and wine all day is draining for some. Some is me…minus the part about wine. See, I’d much rather do those things with another person. Shrugs. I like to planspa days with my girls instead of going alone. I have no desire to go on a solo vacation…EVER. AGAIN. That’s just me and I’m ok with that.

I’m an extrovert in the sense of being very social. I like to move and shake shit up. I’m creative and am always executing an idea that popped in my head…and it usually involves other people. If I have openings in my week on Monday, by Wednesday I’ve found a way to fill in those gaps. It can be a lot but being around people and doing ‘things’ are my sources of energy. For me, recharging means intentionally engaging in activities that will replenish me mentally and physically. It doesn’t mean restricting myself from doing anything because I’m supposed to be ‘at rest’. 

Last week, I planned a day to recharge. I didn’t know what I’d do, how I’d feel or if it was out of necessity or if I were just following a trend. Either way, I did it. 


I Talked to Myself

I have 3 meditation apps, have watched 100s of YouTube videos on the topic and even created a mediation area in my closet. However, every time I start meditating my mind starts drifting. 

What’s for dinner? Did I leave my left suede mule under the bed or in the car? How will my twist out look on day 3?

For me, the goal of meditation is to get myself into a positive mindset that will influence my day. Another way to do that is through positive self-talk. I started by looking in the mirror, forcing a smile and verbally saying “Girl, you are gorgeous inside and out.” “You got this.” “Everything that is supposed to happen will happen at the perfect time so stop worrying”. After about 5 minutes, I realized that not only was I genuinely smiling but I was laughing as I talked about all the amazing things that are manifesting in my life. As I walked around the house talking to myself, I reminded myself of everything that I thought was life shattering that I made it through. “Kish, you are braver than you give yourself credit for.”

I always ask myself “If you had known this would be the outcome, how would you have acted differently at the BEGINNING of the journey?” My answer is, I would have been celebrating then and not worrying about things that are already worked out. So I did just that. I opened Pandora and twerked in celebration of things that are already done. 

To the fly on the wall, I probably looked slow. You just have to have those moments that are good for your soul whether its twerking alone, sitting in silence, journaling or meditating. 


I Talked To An Old Friend…For Hours

Wait, what? You’re probably thinking “But what happened to ALONE time”. I’m always moving 1000 miles a minute and I’ll look up and will have not actually spoken to one of my friends for a year or more. I mean, we interact on social media and text but…. life just happens. I talked to one of my college friends…well I laughed, cried and traveled down memory lane with one of my college friends. There’s something about being with (or talking to) people who knew you before you were the polished version of yourself that we see today.  Promotions, awards and new projects weren’t mentioned. We were busy talking about nearly being kidnapped, road trips to Atlanta with $30 between 5 people and how my mattress ended up being thrown from a dorm room window…the important stuff. 

Thinking back, this conversation reminded me of the plans for my life that I once had. Some of those things came to fruition and others I thank GOD that they didn’t go the way I’d hoped. I thought about people and experiences that have shaped me. Most importantly, I left the conversation with a renewed energy to keep going…making new memories, experiencing new things with people that I love and enjoying my journey.


I Released Control of My Day

I live by my planner. I love checking things off my to-do list. Looking at the day ahead is an enjoyable part of my nightly routine. Instead of planning a day to do nothing…I simply didn’t plan my day at all. Well, I had my weekly appointment with my trainer but other than that my calendar was wide open. In preparation for the day, I made sure to complete my deadlines early so that I had nothing outstanding. Checking my email was out of habit, not necessity. 

With nothing planned, I decided to go to Target. For no reason other than, I wanted to go. I sat in the car for over an hour at home before I even pulled off. Scrolling through IG, rapping Pac’s verse on ‘Gangsta Party’ and just sitting. There was no rush. Nowhere to be. The fact that I didn’t have anyone rushing me or asking when I’d be back was icing on the cake. I went to the mall and sat on one of the couches in the rest area and read a book. I people watched and strolled through the mall popping in and out of stores that I never visit.

I worked. Not because had to but because I wanted to. I enjoy writing so I spent a few hours doing so. I picked out clothes for a photoshoot, played around with templates for IG stories and edited photos. It felt good to do these things leisurely because usually I’m up against a deadline. If you love what you do then it never feels like work. So cliché, I know. I said that to say don’t get caught up in the idea of what your alone time should look like. It’s called SELF-care for a reason. Figure out how you need to take care of yourself so that you can show up as your best self. It may be going hiking alone, re-watching all 5 seasons of Power or taking a class. Or it could be none of those things. As I told an ex-boyfriend, “Do you.”

I realized that there is no template for recharging, self-care or whatever trendy term you choose to use.  We draw our energy from different places so naturally we need to be recharged in different ways. 


Take care (literally),